January 11, 2022 By Karen

Anxiety – that curious beast

Anxiety – that curious beast, it’s holding me back.

There plenty of this flying around, especially in today’s current climate. How can I be anything else?

I was driving the other day and the song Sad still by Quinn XCII came on Spotify. He sings “We don’t want to feel this bad, so we sweep it under the mat, I take this red pill, green pill, black pill, I know deep down we’re sad still”. Then it goes on about our mask, images on instagram, reality stars, how it’s a taboo, and needing something stronger than Advil.

So if we’re taking all these pills and we’re surrounded by “successful” role models, why do we still feel sad?

Well for all those reasons and more. Comparing yourself as not good enough to all the shiny pics on social media, the stories on how fabulous my life is right now, not talking about how you really feel and not living as your real authentic self, all contribute to a less than happy self. Add isolation and uncertainty to all this, it seems like a mountain not a mole hill to climb.

In order to manage and solve a problem, we have to get very curious about when it started, how it works and what outcome you’re wanting. So
when,
how &
what

Three simple rules of the structure of the problem. In order for a problem to remain, it has to be in balance, some good and bad reasons to keep the problem. When the scales are tipped, as in I’m so uncomfortable with this, it’s not serving me anymore or it’s more hassle than it’s worth, then we can work to find a solution.

So the taboo part, I hear people say, “oh people think I’m so together, I’m exhausted at the end of the day keeping this mask up, I feel it starting to crack”. What if people saw you for being human, just like everyone else, not knowing everything, not being in control all the time. Would that be so bad?

Or the other side of the coin. I have clients that say “everyone knows I’m anxious, so I have an excuse not to do the things I don’t really want to, as I say my anxiety is high today, so I don’t have to tell them how I really feel and hurt their feelings”. Who would I be without it, I’ve had this for so long, I don’t know whether it’s the anxiety speaking or me.

Whatever the reason you’re anxious, just know it, own it and decide right now what you want to do about it.

Some clients say, oh I’ll have a think about that tonight and try and let it go. So I say, oh you want the problem for another 6 hours or so and then you’ll be ready, how about right now?

Because it’s become so familiar, it’s like an old relationship, that you know you should break up with, but just don’t have the Ooomph to get you over the finish line.

It can feel tiring to let go of old habits and patterns, I get it. Clients feel like they’ve had minor brain surgery when they come in and see me. Which they have, because their neurons are making new neural pathways or rather reconnecting old ones, re-routing and firing off into another direction. But it’s more tiring to carry them around, The anxiety is like constantly having a heavy ruck sack on your back full of rocks. Each old unserving pattern you let go of, the bag becomes lighter, you feel more able to breathe, you see things differently and begin to appreciate the here and now and get excited about the future instead of worrying about. You know what it’s like at the end of the day getting that heavy bag off your shoulders (or that restrictive bra!!) It feels great to get it off, to finally fully breathe.

So the 3 step – When, How & What.

When did it start – Was it a memory from when you were young, or after a big event in your life. If you can’t remember a time when you weren’t anxious, where did you learn it from? Was a caregiver always anxious, do all your family worry about everything. Some problems are ingrained in our DNA so ancestorial patterns need to be cleared.

How – how do I know I have anxiety, what physical and emotional sensations do I have. Where in my body do I feel it. Is it a constant feeling or does it happen at certain times.

What – what do I want to do with this anxiety. What does it mean to me? Do I want to keep it?. Is it useful, do I get more attention, can I ask for that attention elsewhere, What do I want to feel like, what will happen if I’m not anxious anymore?

Sometimes our biggest fear is not what we think it is. Our biggest fear can be stepping into our most fabulous self, because we might over shadow our friends and family and make them feel inadequate or bad. They might say who do you think you are or reject us? Standing out from the herd and being seen used to mean danger to us, challenging for the “top spot” of leader, banishment could mean death without the protection of the tribe. But raising ourselves up does not over shadow anyone else, you become the sunshine, the bright light that lifts others, that leads the way to freedom and personal success and shows people how it’s done. If others have an issue with your success, that’s for them to recognise and heal within themselves.

A candle that burns bright can light a thousand other candles, but does not become dim it’s own light in the process

3 steps to success

Movement
Motivation
Mindfulness

You maybe wondering why motivation is after movement, surely I need to feel motivation in order to move? That’s not how our minds work. Even the most motivated athletes, speakers or great writers and artists have times when they don’t feel like showing up . But instead of saying, oh I’ll give it a miss today, they move, they go through the familiar patterns and steps that’s led them to the success they’ve already felt. We have muscle memory, when we exercise regularly, that kicks in and helps us through a work out. We also have the same muscle memory in our brain (even though it’s not a muscle) which activates and keeps us moving forward towards our goal. Then as we’re moving and taking action, our motivation kicks in.

We feel motivated to carry on until our desired predetermined time, then we “must” turn and look back at our progress and celebrate our success. That’s a very important step. Our mind will then store that information and replicate it again more easily. So when you’re not feeling the motivation and you start to move, many references will filter in and spark the motivation quicker.

Then there’s mindfulness – In order to cement these new patterns and behaviours we have to practice mindfulness, because it’s easier to snap back into old comfortable patterns (like those sweat pants and sloppy t-shirt you love so much) than it is the keep in the new unfamiliar ones, until they’re practiced and become your new habits.

We need to change the stress levels in the mind and body. We can’t change how we first feel, that’s our human-ness 🙂 but we can change if we react or respond to the situation.
When we’re running too fast in our mind, stop, breathe, look around for 5 things I’m grateful for, then close your eyes, breathe, count to six as breathing in, notice the breathe coming in, hold for three, breathe out for three, change the counting to suit yourself. Say I’m in control or my thoughts, my thoughts don’t control me.
Are my thoughts true, are my thoughts kind, are my thoughts useful to me. I can let the negative go and bring forward my happy and safe place and feel good. Go to a very happy memory where you feel relaxed and everyone around you is smiling. Really feel it. Well done.

I control my thoughts, my thoughts don’t control me

Much love
Karen Aitken
Kasona – be happy, stress less
www.kasona.com.au
0414 973394

Successful people aren’t born, they’re created

February 27, 2019 By Karen

Finding your calm in the chaos

When the shit hits the fan and you have so many plates spinning in the air and you barely have time to breathe, it is still possible to find calm in the chaos?.

Meet Mabel, when she was a crazy puppy, she’d eat socks, shoes, dead things, poo, the dining room chairs, headboards, coffee tables and the latest is our mattress protector.

Now this picture is staged for demonstration purposes only. The original incident was met with much more swearing and arm flaying, and slightly more nudity (dropping towel due to arm flaying) She was discovered to be devouring our bed when she was left unattended while I had my 30 second turn around and get wet shower on a school morning. At present all 5 of us are sharing the small ensuite, because we currently have no walls or floor in our main bathroom.

Timings everything

At the time we got her we were having house renovations done,
lots of tools, equipment and random baths and toilets around our house, dust everywhere, so much dust!!!.
Work people in, out and around morning to night,
a new puppy (need I say more),
school blues,
after school sports,
teenagers ( need I say more!!),
work and social commitments,
juggling finances to pay for surprise extra things,
tiredness
the list goes on and on

But why did I feel so calm?

Because I’ve found a way to navigate through each and every one of these obstacles. I’ve found my true value, which is

family, relationships and connection.

All the other stress around me is just “stuff”. Yes they can be difficult and challenging, but they don’t affect my core values.

When you change how you look at a problem and see it as an opportunity to grow instead, even if you’re overwhelmed, upset and confused by what’s happened or what someone else has done to you. Say “I’m upset, overwhelmed and confused right now. I accept it” Kerwin Rae an inspirational speaker and business advisor says at times like these, ask yourself four questions.
1. What is the benefit of it?
2. What can I learn from it?
3. What skills will I gain that I didn’t have before? and
4. How is it going to help me move forward to bigger and better things?.

Then watch how your world changes, when you apply this logic to every problem.

My husband and I have had our differences of opinions on, well most subjects, one being getting a second dog. He’s danced his familiar dance, when things have been getting difficult, but I’ve just said, yes you can rant and complain, that’s up to you. Or you can take a breath and enjoy the ride. She’s going to be here for around another 14 years or so, decide if you either entertain or upset yourself with a hundred I told you so’s, or you flip your mind to the positives.

Although Mabel is a family dog, our youngest son (then aged 11) asked for a rescue dog for Christmas. That’s all he wanted, well apart from some chocolate of course. I said to him the other day, “on a scale 0 – 10 how much happier are you since Mabel came to live with us”…he said “mmmm out of 10, I’d have to say 22” So that’s what’s important, bringing love and happiness to our lives.

The stressful times pass. Like raising a child (or dog) and they become memories. You choose how you hold them.

Look at her now. Like butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth. Still partial to the occasional sock ( the sweatier the better)

“Your final step in your journey isn’t the most important, it’s your next”

I’ve helped many people “flip their switch to positive” with the treatments I offer. Having mindfulness, fasterEFT/Eutapics combined with hot stones and remedial massage has been just what my clients have needed to feel different and open themselves up to change. It’s a unique combination, that addresses old habits and patterns, then rewards your mind and body when you let it go.

If you know someone who could benefit from this, please forward on this email, or book in and see me yourself.

I’m all ears 🙂

Be bold, be couragious, stand tall. Nobody said it’d be easy, they just promised it would be worth it “Anon”

Karen
www.kasona.com.au
0414 973394

January 11, 2018 By Karen

New year, New you and all that Horse poo

If the truth be known, I love a good self help book or an inspiring video clip on YouTube.

But as I’ve become older and ever so slightly wiser, I’ve realised there’s no need for a from Broke to Billionaire mentality, where you ditch the old you for a shiny bright perfect you. Because you are most definately successful in what you’re doing right now. You’re a complete fabulous version of your present self and this needs to be embraced and accepted.

Sure there maybe a few slight tweaks here and there that could be explored, but my goodness you need to celebrate the uniqueness that is only you, the wonderful oneness of you, the amazing gift only you bring to the world. Without you, loads of things wouldn’t have been possible.

Once we own and celebrate our uniqueness, we can then grow and learn more about ourselves. It’s a fantastic solid foundation for self love and discovery.

I hear from so many wonderful people how they’re not good enough, don’t exercise enough, have too many dark thoughts and feelings. Even how they’ve compromised their family for their career, when in fact they’ve inspired them.

It’s time to STOP. When those negative thoughts come into your mind, just see it for what it is, it’s just a thought, it’s not real. It’s there for a reason, acknowledge it, then let it pass, like clouds in the sky.

What you practice you become

If you practice worry or self doubt, you will become the master of it, you will be the expert in your low self esteem, I’m not good enough, I should be better. But if you practice joy every day, even if it’s for 5 minutes thinking about what brings joy to your life, what is joyous and doing something that brings laughter to your world, you will exercise the right side of your mind that goes to happiness, even when a stressful situation presents.

Life is like a fairground ride, full of ups and downs, twists and turns, highs and lows. We can’t control what is outside of us, but we can learn surf the wave or ride the tides. But we can also choose whether we join other people’s funfair, or realise “it’s not my monkey, not my circus”. Be happy, be true to yourself.

Wishing you well in your many happy years ahead.

Karen

“The best way to predict your future is to create it” Abraham Lincoln

August 22, 2017 By Karen

Trust me, you’ve got it

Trust me, you've got this — Relax and take five, you’ve got this 🙂

I’m totally amazed at human resilience and determination. No matter what life throws at people, they have the ability to take a deep breath and carry on.

Stress hits us at times we think we really can’t take anymore. Loved ones getting ill and possibly facing their last breath, business’s where heart and soul has been invested into them folding and leaving you homeless, and day to day grind of putting one foot in front of the other, even though your bed was warm, you got up and ready for work. You smiled at your kids as they tipped the cereal box too far so it goes all over the floor, spilling milk onto their last school uniform, just as the dog throws up all over the rug (because the easy cleaned tiled floor right next to them isn’t where they aim for).

When life gets too hard
When life seems too hard, overloading and down right unfair. Just be safe knowing you’ve got this, you have dealt with so much in your life, that this situation, no matter what it is, no matter how difficult and stressful, is only temporary, you will get through it. But you don’t have to do it alone. Reach out, ask for support, be vulnerable and communicate with a friend, relative or professional that you have an understanding relationship with. Clients, friends and fri-ents know that my door is always open. Just reach out and connect.

When you need help

But what about when the therapist needs some support too, where does she turn?. I recently was so low I really had the urge to run away. I did reach out and messaged a friend and opened up, to be greeted with no response all day, which confused and upset me. I could see she’d read the message (blessing and curse of iPhones) but no response.

Now if I was feeling self destructive I could internalise this and decide no one is interested in what’s going on, but it’s all about timing and choosing wisely. Don’t give up after the first encounter, be acknowledged, be heard, make sure you get what you need. Sometimes a busy friend isn’t the best person to reach out to. Booking an actual session with a qualified professional, be that a counsellor or an amazing massage therapist who you can relax with. Remember, the first pancake you make is usually wet and soggy, you don’t give up on the first one and think they’re all going to be like that, you keep going. If the first one doesn’t hit the spot, open up to another, then another. Pause and gather your thoughts. Breathe and know you’ve got this, you’re in safe hands (your own) and you can and will find the lesson in this encounter and move on to feeling happy again, when you’re ready.

Just remember you don’t have to “fix this” right now. Let it settle, let it be, put it out to the universe to give an answer, ask questions, be curious how and why it’s happened now.

If you’ve been diagnosed with a disease, it’s a dis-ease with yourself. Think about how you can get back in balance with your emotions, your life, your relationships with self and others and how you can nourish and replenish yourself. Get to the route cause of the issue and there you will find your answers, the pieces of the puzzle that maybe were out of place. Your body is a slave to your mind and it has an amazing ability to heal, allow it to happen. Treating symptoms with drugs, puts a sticking plaster over the wound, then a side effect from suppressing the body’s healing system will occur, so more drugs will be needed to feel “normal” again. Please know there is no such thing as normal, it is just a setting on the dishwasher.

Managing the overload
I have clients that all of a sudden start experiencing feelings of being overwhelmed. They can no longer function well at work and are unable to think straight. A client called John came into my clinic the other day. He’s been having dizzy spells, brain fog and anxiety. On further investigation into his belief system and where he learned it, he discovered he was doing a job he felt he needed to do to support his family, his relationship with his wife lacked emotional and physical affection and his kids were now independent and left home. He hadn’t addressed how he felt about how he always felt responsible to his mother, with his father been mostly absent and then dying at an early age. How he has always had so much pressure to perform.

After bringing him to the now, breathing and releasing the negative charge from his emotions, he set some intentions for what he wanted, he enjoyed how excited he felt channeling his energy into this. How his relationship with himself is the most important. How to feel and ask for what he needs. How living a life caring for others is important, but not if it strips you of your identity. Respect and appreciation is not only feels good, but is necessary. A person that is appreciated will do 110% and still want to do more, but someone who has expectations to perform without even being thanked, will feel taken advantage of and their self worth will depleted.

Your happiness is your destiny
I urge you to find your own rhythm and path in life. Life isn’t always easy, but it sure can be fun. Love the ones you’re with, send positive thoughts to those you’re not with and always communicate your thoughts and feelings. Build and nurture your soul. You’re SO worth it.

Best wishes

Karen

Kasona – Be happy, stress less
www.kasona.com.au
0414 973394

October 16, 2016 By Karen

Recognising stress in teenagers – The signs aren’t always what you think

Recognising stress in teenager, the signs aren’t always what you think.

My teenager has recently been pushing the limits. He’s not doing any of the heavy stuff just yet (or at least not to our knowledge) but, he’s being doing “just” what he can get away with, taking more than he’s giving, saying he’s too tired to help out, shutting himself away behind his head phones when he ventures into family territory of the kitchen and staying in his room to chat with his friends (online obviously not in person, duh).

When it got to the point I was frustrated and feeling angry with some choices he was making, it was time to have a family meeting to address all our feelings. My husband was on board, so we spoke about what was going on and what changes were needed. It came to light he was feeling low and was shutting himself away and not interacting, because he needed time to himself. Being happy around friends all day, he was finding exhausting. His laid back attitude and not taking responsibility was a cover up to his negative thoughts and stress. He didn’t understand why he felt this way, because he said he had nothing to be sad about. He had great friends, doing well at school, loved his home and hobbies, but still felt low.

As a counsellor and stress management coach, it’s hard to see your loved ones going through struggles, because a lot of the time they don’t reach out because they know you have ideas and solutions as you’ve seen it a hundred times before. So I resisted offering a solution and just listened. I listened to how he felt. I listened until he was ready to find his solution. I said talk about how you feel, especially if you don’t understand it. There’s no right or wrong way to feel.

What to do

One thing I will say, keep communication open as much as possible, try not to judge what they say. Listen to understand, not to react.

When someone around you has low energy, want to shut away, come home and get into bed. Get them to fully acknowledge that they feel that way, accept and honour those feelings, they have every right to feel that way if they want to. But get them to ask themselves, “do I want to stay feeling like this?”

If the answer is no, then do the complete opposite of what they have been doing.

• Do 10 star jumps
• Put trainers on and run to the end of the street,
• Knock on a neighbours door and offer to cut their lawn or walk their dog.
• Do something active, even if it’s only 10 minutes.

Then ask them to notice how they feel. Sometimes breaking the thought pattern with something random, can be enough to change how you feel.

Make a time to factor this into their day, everyday. Exercise is positive stress, which your mind and body needs to stay strong and well. Go with them, so you’re both enjoying a positive experience. Let them talk, or not talk if that’s what they want. Don’t use it as a time to lecture, deal with your own feelings about the situation with a friend or seek professional help yourself, or book a calming massage. Diffusing Lavender therapeutic blend essential oil, could be what you and your teenager need to calm and refocus.

Recognising stress

Stress doesn’t always manifest itself in the way you think it will. The stereotypical white collar worker, at his desk, mounds of paperwork, deadlines, red in the face, on his second heart attack, isn’t the only way stress is shown.
Children feel stress too. They show it in similar ways to adults, shutting down emotionally, feeling tired, over loaded, blaming others, getting angry, sleeping a lot, not being able to sleep, not taking anything seriously and laughing all the time, is also a cover up for how they’re really feeling.

The point I’m trying to make here. How we feel is our responsibility. Your teenager needs to learn that they control their mind and thoughts, their mind doesn’t control them unless they allow it.

If we see negative feeling as weeds, they can take over your garden if you don’t first of all notice them, then do something about them.

Keeping their eye on the prize

Positive thoughts and feelings need love and attention. Keeping your eye on the prize of how you want to feel, what you want in your life and what steps you need to make to get there. It can be uncomfortable recognising this, never mind actually doing anything about it. But the only way to the other side is through. Avoiding or going around it, doesn’t deal with it and certainly doesn’t eradicate it. A personal trainer I know has a great saying “be comfortable with the uncomfortable” using energy to work towards what you do want, instead of using energy putting up with what you don’t.

A lesson for all of us. Be grateful for what you have in your life right now, especially the little things. Be thankful for all your experiences, because they’ve made you who you are today. Use that knowledge to help yourself and others to have the best life they can. Reach out to other people, we’re social being and we need interaction in our lives.

As for my son, we’ve set guidelines in place for him to engage more, no headphones in family areas, communicate and socialise with family, even if it’s not the most exciting part of his day. It’s important to create a neural pathway that siblings, though annoying, are not going away and the more you put into a relationship, the more you get out.
So tonight we’re going to the beach to surf and have a laugh. That’s his happy place, find yours, because you’re worth it.

Karen Aitken
Kasona
Be happy – Stress less
Stress management – Remedial massage – Holistic therapies – Training courses
w: www.kasona.com.au
t: 0414 973394
e: kasonamassage@gmail.com

“wherever possible be kind, it’s always possible” Dalai Lama