I’ve recently got into gardening. Not such a bold statement for a forty something year old, it is? It had to happen sometime. I like how you make it personal, invite people over to socialise there and celebrate your success or give advise on their knowledge (thanks Sue).
As well as getting outside in the fresh air and sunshine, I enjoy how putting a little effort into a certain area can make a huge difference. But at times it can get a little overwhelming. Like remodeling a whole area, turning it into something that doesn’t serve me any more into something new and useful. I find I get carried away with the “big picture”. Well I can’t do that, because I need to do that first, which really I should be doing that also, which blah blah blah. It just becomes too hard, so I retreat and go do something else like organise the cutlery drawer or binge on Netflix.
The subtle art of procrastination
This is how procrastination and avoidance works in your mind. It’s been brought to your conscious attention that you want to improve something or it’s not working anymore, like a relationship, your job or even your way of thinking. But to change it all at once, can be so scary that it’s easier to avoid and distract yourself, a temporary fix, like bitching about it to a friend, going around in circles, going shopping, gambling, drinking. Or one of those could be the issue that needs addressing, but the thought of giving it up fills you with dread. Who will I be without it?
Procrastinating doesn’t mean you’re lazy. You’re in protection mode of an unhealed part of yourself. There maybe a memory where you went all in and did that big thing, but carried forward a negative response, even a strange look from a care giver or an unkind word. All your effort and achievement is forgotten and just the “bad” feeling remains. Here’s a deeper explanation of procrastination
When we to look at the structure of the problem first. It has two equal sides in order for it to survive. It has good and bad benefits. For example, staying in a difficult relationship with a person or work situation, though it has feeling of being unsafe, it can have financial and security on the other side. It’s when the balance is tipped, that’s when it becomes more beneficial to take the big leap.
But how do you do it?
It’s important to first acknowledge that you’re in the exact place you’re supposed to be right now. Even if it’s a dire situation. If it’s your rock bottom, then you have a firm foundation to build on. You’re at the exact weight you’re meant to be, the exact location, the exact moment in time to propel you into action.
Rome wasn’t built in a day
It’s also important to recognise great things are not built in a moment. They take time, effort and periods of being uncomfortable. When we’re in a world of pain, emotionally and physically, it’s so hard to muster the energy to put one foot in front of the other. So if facing this on your own seems too daunting, walk with someone on your journey, this can make all the difference. Learn to take one step at a time. Get very curious about where you are, what strengths and weaknesses you have and harness them and use them for your full advantage. Notice how others push your buttons, how you react to what’s around you.
Though you may feel it, you’re not alone
I’ve been lucky enough to work with so many people on their journey. I’ve had 10 year olds unable to sleep, worrying about everything. Young adults navigating their way through stressful situations and coming out with more knowledge than they knew they possessed.
Forty somethings who are unable to tread the path they have done for as long as they can remember, but been too scared to walk a different one. Knowing change is needed, but not knowing where to start.
I also had a lovely lady in her seventies, in constant pain in her body, but mostly in her back and shoulder. She was carrying around so much guilt and shame all her life, but when she spoke about it, she realised it wasn’t her guilt and shame, it was a belief system she’d learned from others and was so relieved and cried tears of relief and joy. I used mindfulness and tapping techniques, reiki energies and then finished with a massage which relaxed and soothed her mind and muscles. She messaged me afterwards how much lighter she felt, not carrying around the burden on her shoulders, how her pain was almost non existent. Because she viewed the situation and held the memory differently her mind and body weren’t reliving her past and wasn’t in her stress fight or flight mode.
As I’ve said before, the most important step, isn’t not your first or your last on your journey, it’s your next. Will yours be a big leap or a baby step? Both are important and monumental.
Be bold, you beautiful soul.
Individual personal breakthrough mind & body matters sessions (for people that don’t do counselling) are available at Kasona.
Mindfulness, movement and meditation workshops are available soon. Watch this space.
Contact me direct on 0414 973394 or email email@example.com