February 27, 2019 By Karen

Finding your calm in the chaos

When the shit hits the fan and you have so many plates spinning in the air and you barely have time to breathe, it is still possible to find calm in the chaos?.

Meet Mabel, when she was a crazy puppy, she’d eat socks, shoes, dead things, poo, the dining room chairs, headboards, coffee tables and the latest is our mattress protector.

Now this picture is staged for demonstration purposes only. The original incident was met with much more swearing and arm flaying, and slightly more nudity (dropping towel due to arm flaying) She was discovered to be devouring our bed when she was left unattended while I had my 30 second turn around and get wet shower on a school morning. At present all 5 of us are sharing the small ensuite, because we currently have no walls or floor in our main bathroom.

Timings everything

At the time we got her we were having house renovations done,
lots of tools, equipment and random baths and toilets around our house, dust everywhere, so much dust!!!.
Work people in, out and around morning to night,
a new puppy (need I say more),
school blues,
after school sports,
teenagers ( need I say more!!),
work and social commitments,
juggling finances to pay for surprise extra things,
tiredness
the list goes on and on

But why did I feel so calm?

Because I’ve found a way to navigate through each and every one of these obstacles. I’ve found my true value, which is

family, relationships and connection.

All the other stress around me is just “stuff”. Yes they can be difficult and challenging, but they don’t affect my core values.

When you change how you look at a problem and see it as an opportunity to grow instead, even if you’re overwhelmed, upset and confused by what’s happened or what someone else has done to you. Say “I’m upset, overwhelmed and confused right now. I accept it” Kerwin Rae an inspirational speaker and business advisor says at times like these, ask yourself four questions.
1. What is the benefit of it?
2. What can I learn from it?
3. What skills will I gain that I didn’t have before? and
4. How is it going to help me move forward to bigger and better things?.

Then watch how your world changes, when you apply this logic to every problem.

My husband and I have had our differences of opinions on, well most subjects, one being getting a second dog. He’s danced his familiar dance, when things have been getting difficult, but I’ve just said, yes you can rant and complain, that’s up to you. Or you can take a breath and enjoy the ride. She’s going to be here for around another 14 years or so, decide if you either entertain or upset yourself with a hundred I told you so’s, or you flip your mind to the positives.

Although Mabel is a family dog, our youngest son (then aged 11) asked for a rescue dog for Christmas. That’s all he wanted, well apart from some chocolate of course. I said to him the other day, “on a scale 0 – 10 how much happier are you since Mabel came to live with us”…he said “mmmm out of 10, I’d have to say 22” So that’s what’s important, bringing love and happiness to our lives.

The stressful times pass. Like raising a child (or dog) and they become memories. You choose how you hold them.

Look at her now. Like butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth. Still partial to the occasional sock ( the sweatier the better)

“Your final step in your journey isn’t the most important, it’s your next”

I’ve helped many people “flip their switch to positive” with the treatments I offer. Having mindfulness, fasterEFT/Eutapics combined with hot stones and remedial massage has been just what my clients have needed to feel different and open themselves up to change. It’s a unique combination, that addresses old habits and patterns, then rewards your mind and body when you let it go.

If you know someone who could benefit from this, please forward on this email, or book in and see me yourself.

I’m all ears 🙂

Be bold, be couragious, stand tall. Nobody said it’d be easy, they just promised it would be worth it “anon”

Karen
www.kasona.com.au
0414 973394

January 11, 2018 By Karen

New year, New you and all that Horse poo

If the truth be known, I love a good self help book or an inspiring video clip on YouTube.

But as I’ve become older and ever so slightly wiser, I’ve realised there’s no need for a from Broke to Billionaire mentality, where you ditch the old you for a shiny bright perfect you. Because you are most definately successful in what you’re doing right now. You’re a complete fabulous version of your present self and this needs to be embraced and accepted.

Sure there maybe a few slight tweaks here and there that could be explored, but my goodness you need to celebrate the uniqueness that is only you, the wonderful oneness of you, the amazing gift only you bring to the world. Without you, loads of things wouldn’t have been possible.

Once we own and celebrate our uniqueness, we can then grow and learn more about ourselves. It’s a fantastic solid foundation for self love and discovery.

I hear from so many wonderful people how they’re not good enough, don’t exercise enough, have too many dark thoughts and feelings. Even how they’ve compromised their family for their career, when in fact they’ve inspired them.

It’s time to STOP. When those negative thoughts come into your mind, just see it for what it is, it’s just a thought, it’s not real. It’s there for a reason, acknowledge it, then let it pass, like clouds in the sky.

What you practice you become

If you practice worry or self doubt, you will become the master of it, you will be the expert in your low self esteem, I’m not good enough, I should be better. But if you practice joy every day, even if it’s for 5 minutes thinking about what brings joy to your life, what is joyous and doing something that brings laughter to your world, you will exercise the right side of your mind that goes to happiness, even when a stressful situation presents.

Life is like a fairground ride, full of ups and downs, twists and turns, highs and lows. We can’t control what is outside of us, but we can learn surf the wave or ride the tides. But we can also choose whether we join other people’s funfair, or realise “it’s not my monkey, not my circus”. Be happy, be true to yourself.

Wishing you well in your many happy years ahead.

Karen

“The best way to predict your future is to create it” Abraham Lincoln

October 16, 2016 By Karen

Recognising stress in teenagers – The signs aren’t always what you think

Recognising stress in teenager, the signs aren’t always what you think.

My teenager has recently been pushing the limits. He’s not doing any of the heavy stuff just yet (or at least not to our knowledge) but, he’s being doing “just” what he can get away with, taking more than he’s giving, saying he’s too tired to help out, shutting himself away behind his head phones when he ventures into family territory of the kitchen and staying in his room to chat with his friends (online obviously not in person, duh).

When it got to the point I was frustrated and feeling angry with some choices he was making, it was time to have a family meeting to address all our feelings. My husband was on board, so we spoke about what was going on and what changes were needed. It came to light he was feeling low and was shutting himself away and not interacting, because he needed time to himself. Being happy around friends all day, he was finding exhausting. His laid back attitude and not taking responsibility was a cover up to his negative thoughts and stress. He didn’t understand why he felt this way, because he said he had nothing to be sad about. He had great friends, doing well at school, loved his home and hobbies, but still felt low.

As a counsellor and stress management coach, it’s hard to see your loved ones going through struggles, because a lot of the time they don’t reach out because they know you have ideas and solutions as you’ve seen it a hundred times before. So I resisted offering a solution and just listened. I listened to how he felt. I listened until he was ready to find his solution. I said talk about how you feel, especially if you don’t understand it. There’s no right or wrong way to feel.

What to do

One thing I will say, keep communication open as much as possible, try not to judge what they say. Listen to understand, not to react.

When someone around you has low energy, want to shut away, come home and get into bed. Get them to fully acknowledge that they feel that way, accept and honour those feelings, they have every right to feel that way if they want to. But get them to ask themselves, “do I want to stay feeling like this?”

If the answer is no, then do the complete opposite of what they have been doing.

• Do 10 star jumps
• Put trainers on and run to the end of the street,
• Knock on a neighbours door and offer to cut their lawn or walk their dog.
• Do something active, even if it’s only 10 minutes.

Then ask them to notice how they feel. Sometimes breaking the thought pattern with something random, can be enough to change how you feel.

Make a time to factor this into their day, everyday. Exercise is positive stress, which your mind and body needs to stay strong and well. Go with them, so you’re both enjoying a positive experience. Let them talk, or not talk if that’s what they want. Don’t use it as a time to lecture, deal with your own feelings about the situation with a friend or seek professional help yourself, or book a calming massage. Diffusing Lavender therapeutic blend essential oil, could be what you and your teenager need to calm and refocus.

Recognising stress

Stress doesn’t always manifest itself in the way you think it will. The stereotypical white collar worker, at his desk, mounds of paperwork, deadlines, red in the face, on his second heart attack, isn’t the only way stress is shown.
Children feel stress too. They show it in similar ways to adults, shutting down emotionally, feeling tired, over loaded, blaming others, getting angry, sleeping a lot, not being able to sleep, not taking anything seriously and laughing all the time, is also a cover up for how they’re really feeling.

The point I’m trying to make here. How we feel is our responsibility. Your teenager needs to learn that they control their mind and thoughts, their mind doesn’t control them unless they allow it.

If we see negative feeling as weeds, they can take over your garden if you don’t first of all notice them, then do something about them.

Keeping their eye on the prize

Positive thoughts and feelings need love and attention. Keeping your eye on the prize of how you want to feel, what you want in your life and what steps you need to make to get there. It can be uncomfortable recognising this, never mind actually doing anything about it. But the only way to the other side is through. Avoiding or going around it, doesn’t deal with it and certainly doesn’t eradicate it. A personal trainer I know has a great saying “be comfortable with the uncomfortable” using energy to work towards what you do want, instead of using energy putting up with what you don’t.

A lesson for all of us. Be grateful for what you have in your life right now, especially the little things. Be thankful for all your experiences, because they’ve made you who you are today. Use that knowledge to help yourself and others to have the best life they can. Reach out to other people, we’re social being and we need interaction in our lives.

As for my son, we’ve set guidelines in place for him to engage more, no headphones in family areas, communicate and socialise with family, even if it’s not the most exciting part of his day. It’s important to create a neural pathway that siblings, though annoying, are not going away and the more you put into a relationship, the more you get out.
So tonight we’re going to the beach to surf and have a laugh. That’s his happy place, find yours, because you’re worth it.

Karen Aitken
Kasona
Be happy – Stress less
Stress management – Remedial massage – Holistic therapies – Training courses
w: www.kasona.com.au
t: 0414 973394
e: kasonamassage@gmail.com

“wherever possible be kind, it’s always possible” Dalai Lama