Karen, Author at Kasona

February 27, 2019 By Karen

Finding your calm in the chaos

When the shit hits the fan and you have so many plates spinning in the air and you barely have time to breathe, it is still possible to find calm in the chaos?.

Meet Mabel, when she was a crazy puppy, she’d eat socks, shoes, dead things, poo, the dining room chairs, headboards, coffee tables and the latest is our mattress protector.

Now this picture is staged for demonstration purposes only. The original incident was met with much more swearing and arm flaying, and slightly more nudity (dropping towel due to arm flaying) She was discovered to be devouring our bed when she was left unattended while I had my 30 second turn around and get wet shower on a school morning. At present all 5 of us are sharing the small ensuite, because we currently have no walls or floor in our main bathroom.

Timings everything

At the time we got her we were having house renovations done,
lots of tools, equipment and random baths and toilets around our house, dust everywhere, so much dust!!!.
Work people in, out and around morning to night,
a new puppy (need I say more),
school blues,
after school sports,
teenagers ( need I say more!!),
work and social commitments,
juggling finances to pay for surprise extra things,
tiredness
the list goes on and on

But why did I feel so calm?

Because I’ve found a way to navigate through each and every one of these obstacles. I’ve found my true value, which is

family, relationships and connection.

All the other stress around me is just “stuff”. Yes they can be difficult and challenging, but they don’t affect my core values.

When you change how you look at a problem and see it as an opportunity to grow instead, even if you’re overwhelmed, upset and confused by what’s happened or what someone else has done to you. Say “I’m upset, overwhelmed and confused right now. I accept it” Kerwin Rae an inspirational speaker and business advisor says at times like these, ask yourself four questions.
1. What is the benefit of it?
2. What can I learn from it?
3. What skills will I gain that I didn’t have before? and
4. How is it going to help me move forward to bigger and better things?.

Then watch how your world changes, when you apply this logic to every problem.

My husband and I have had our differences of opinions on, well most subjects, one being getting a second dog. He’s danced his familiar dance, when things have been getting difficult, but I’ve just said, yes you can rant and complain, that’s up to you. Or you can take a breath and enjoy the ride. She’s going to be here for around another 14 years or so, decide if you either entertain or upset yourself with a hundred I told you so’s, or you flip your mind to the positives.

Although Mabel is a family dog, our youngest son (then aged 11) asked for a rescue dog for Christmas. That’s all he wanted, well apart from some chocolate of course. I said to him the other day, “on a scale 0 – 10 how much happier are you since Mabel came to live with us”…he said “mmmm out of 10, I’d have to say 22” So that’s what’s important, bringing love and happiness to our lives.

The stressful times pass. Like raising a child (or dog) and they become memories. You choose how you hold them.

Look at her now. Like butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth. Still partial to the occasional sock ( the sweatier the better)

“Your final step in your journey isn’t the most important, it’s your next”

I’ve helped many people “flip their switch to positive” with the treatments I offer. Having mindfulness, fasterEFT/Eutapics combined with hot stones and remedial massage has been just what my clients have needed to feel different and open themselves up to change. It’s a unique combination, that addresses old habits and patterns, then rewards your mind and body when you let it go.

If you know someone who could benefit from this, please forward on this email, or book in and see me yourself.

I’m all ears 🙂

Be bold, be couragious, stand tall. Nobody said it’d be easy, they just promised it would be worth it “anon”

Karen
www.kasona.com.au
0414 973394

February 11, 2019 By Karen

How to Respond not React

How do you respond to a situation, instead of reacting?

How many times have you reacted to a situation in a split second, became angry, shouted, said how dare you, it’s all your fault and not stopped until you’ve run out of rage? What if you could acknowledge a situation, recognise how uncomfortable you feel due to increased levels of anger, frustration, sadness or whatever we feel, own how you feel, then calmly find out the full story and work on a resolution? Sounds impossible, right?

We are human, we are programmed on a primal level to react to situations that our subconscious perceives as dangerous. Modern day stress feels no different from the dangers we used to face with wild animals chasing us while out hunting for food. The same hormones are released to “assist” us to deal with these situations. But as we have evolved in today’s society, we have learned we can communicate with words and not just actions. If we take just a few seconds to assess what outcome we would like from a situation, before we start dealing with it, it can change the whole experience.

When we have a relationship with a friend, partner or child, and they do something that disappoints us, we can be quicker to react than if a stranger did the same thing. Because we have a level of expectation on how it’s acceptable to behave or what our boundaries are.

A situation the other day caused a client of mine to react with anger and frustration. She went from her normal level of acceptable stress, to 10 in a split second.

The details of the story aren’t important, though it could help you to relate to something you’ve experienced.

She had left her son at home while she nipped out to the shop. She’d just had some work done outside her house. When she returned, the work had been knocked down and ruined. She knew her son had been riding his bike around and she told him off, being angry at what a stupid thing he’d done, how could he think that was a good idea, it’s ruined now, it cost a lot of money and so on. He took the ear bashing and accepted he consequence to his actions.
But the next morning, a mother of her son’s friend called to apologise as she’d just found out her son had admitted to have ridden around and broken something and was calling to offer to pay for it to be fixed. My client then approached her son with the new information and he admitted that it wasn’t him, but would rather she told him off than get his friend’s in trouble. Because he watched him do it, but felt he couldn’t stop him until it was too late, so therefore felt responsible.

Now why didn’t her son just say straight away, it wasn’t me, I didn’t do it. There’s a few reasons. First of all, he felt to blame for some of it, so thought to save others I’ll take the full blame. He was being loyal to his friend. But also, I don’t know whether you’ve seen the film Monster Inc. The placid monster accidently scares a little girl he’s looking after in the scare factory, all she can see is his rage, not the love and trust they’ve built, so she runs from him before he can explain what he’s doing. Anger shuts people down, it triggers their stress response, they can’t think as straight as they’d like. How can you reason with an angry force? If when you’re in a stressful situation you go to the fight response, the other person can meet rage with rage, but if that doesn’t reach resolve, it generally only fuels a bigger divide.

But we have to remember, we are experiencing situations for the first time, especially with children going through different ages, each one presents a new challenge. Both of you have never been at that age before, with these unique experiences. We can’t stop our split second reaction, but we can choose whether we react or respond to it. We can take a cleansing breath and to calm ourselves, and open up to learning more about it, before bringing the judges hammer down and serve the sentence.

Quick guide to stressful situations

1. Notice how you feel about the situation and the response your body is having, look around you, ground yourself
2. Breathe in and out slowly, this will instruct your mind you’re not in danger
3. Think what you want at the end, if you still want a relationship with this person, it’s important to acknowledge this before words tumble out of your mouth that you can’t take back.
4. Gain greater understanding, so you can assess the whole picture
5. Ask for time out to process the issues, if you’re struggling because the new information is overloading you.
6. Discuss a healthy outcome for both of you, or agree to compromise.
7. It’s ok to revisit the discussion at a later date, because our views can change and further clarification maybe needed to reach resolution.

“I don’t always have to be right, but I do always want to be happy”

These techniques I use with clients all the time. Switching their perspective on “problems” and changing how they feel about it in a few minutes, after sometimes a lifetime of pain and upset. They can then view them as “lessons”.

Relationships are about communication and compromise. Each person in the union needs to build a bridge to each other. Sometimes one side of the bridge will reach towards the other more, because they have better skills in communication, which can feel like they’re doing all the running. But remember we are all aware and have knowledge of different areas in our lives.

When we communicate to the other person, those changes could be made to strengthen the relationship and it’s met with resistant and negative feelings, saying you’re the one at fault for even suggesting it, this is when you’ve hit someone’s buttons and they’re not ready to take ownership yet.

Some people show affection by doing practical things, others want cuddles and intimacy to feel connected. These are called “your love language”. As long as both people feel good and a satisfactory compromise is reached, that’s successful relationship. When one needs more than the other can give, or is willing to give, an in balance occurs. Which can lead to unresolved issues and separation if not resolved.

Try not to compare yourself with other families or couples. What works for them, won’t necessary work for you. The perfect Facebook life isn’t always what it seems. People sometimes need to project a fabulous life for others to envy for them to feel good, but in reality at home it’s very different,

Much love
Karen Aitken
Kasona – Be happy, Stress less
www.kasona.com.au
0414 973394

“You either get bitter, or you get better.
It’s that simple.
You either take what has been dealt to you and allow it to make you a better person, or you allow it to tear you down. The choice does not belong to fate, it belongs to you”… Josh Ship

January 11, 2018 By Karen

New year, New you and all that Horse poo

If the truth be known, I love a good self help book or an inspiring video clip on YouTube.

But as I’ve become older and ever so slightly wiser, I’ve realised there’s no need for a from Broke to Billionaire mentality, where you ditch the old you for a shiny bright perfect you. Because you are most definately successful in what you’re doing right now. You’re a complete fabulous version of your present self and this needs to be embraced and accepted.

Sure there maybe a few slight tweaks here and there that could be explored, but my goodness you need to celebrate the uniqueness that is only you, the wonderful oneness of you, the amazing gift only you bring to the world. Without you, loads of things wouldn’t have been possible.

Once we own and celebrate our uniqueness, we can then grow and learn more about ourselves. It’s a fantastic solid foundation for self love and discovery.

I hear from so many wonderful people how they’re not good enough, don’t exercise enough, have too many dark thoughts and feelings. Even how they’ve compromised their family for their career, when in fact they’ve inspired them.

It’s time to STOP. When those negative thoughts come into your mind, just see it for what it is, it’s just a thought, it’s not real. It’s there for a reason, acknowledge it, then let it pass, like clouds in the sky.

What you practice you become

If you practice worry or self doubt, you will become the master of it, you will be the expert in your low self esteem, I’m not good enough, I should be better. But if you practice joy every day, even if it’s for 5 minutes thinking about what brings joy to your life, what is joyous and doing something that brings laughter to your world, you will exercise the right side of your mind that goes to happiness, even when a stressful situation presents.

Life is like a fairground ride, full of ups and downs, twists and turns, highs and lows. We can’t control what is outside of us, but we can learn surf the wave or ride the tides. But we can also choose whether we join other people’s funfair, or realise “it’s not my monkey, not my circus”. Be happy, be true to yourself.

Wishing you well in your many happy years ahead.

Karen

“The best way to predict your future is to create it” Abraham Lincoln

August 22, 2017 By Karen

Trust me, you’ve got it

Trust me, you've got this — Relax and take five, you’ve got this

I’m totally amazed at human resilience and determination. No matter what life throws at people, they have the ability to take a deep breath and carry on.

Stress hits us at times we think we really can’t take anymore. Loved ones getting ill and possibly facing their last breath, business’s where heart and soul has been invested into them folding and leaving you homeless, and day to day grind of putting one foot in front of the other, even though your bed was warm, you got up and ready for work. You smiled at your kids as they tipped the cereal box too far so it goes all over the floor, spilling milk onto their last school uniform, just as the dog throws up all over the rug (because the easy cleaned tiled floor right next to them isn’t where they aim for).

When life gets too hard
When life seems too hard, overloading and down right unfair. Just be safe knowing you’ve got this, you have dealt with so much in your life, that this situation, no matter what it is, no matter how difficult and stressful, is only temporary, you will get through it. But you don’t have to do it alone. Reach out, ask for support, be vulnerable and communicate with a friend, relative or professional that you have an understanding relationship with. Clients, friends and fri-ents know that my door is always open. Just reach out and connect.

When you need help

But what about when the therapist needs some support too, where does she turn?. I recently was so low I really had the urge to run away. I did reach out and messaged a friend and opened up, to be greeted with no response all day, which confused and upset me. I could see she’d read the message (blessing and curse of iPhones) but no response.

Now if I was feeling self destructive I could internalise this and decide no one is interested in what’s going on, but it’s all about timing and choosing wisely. Don’t give up after the first encounter, be acknowledged, be heard, make sure you get what you need. Sometimes a busy friend isn’t the best person to reach out to. Booking an actual session with a qualified professional, be that a counsellor or an amazing massage therapist who you can relax with. Remember, the first pancake you make is usually wet and soggy, you don’t give up on the first one and think they’re all going to be like that, you keep going. If the first one doesn’t hit the spot, open up to another, then another. Pause and gather your thoughts. Breathe and know you’ve got this, you’re in safe hands (your own) and you can and will find the lesson in this encounter and move on to feeling happy again, when you’re ready.

Just remember you don’t have to “fix this” right now. Let it settle, let it be, put it out to the universe to give an answer, ask questions, be curious how and why it’s happened now.

If you’ve been diagnosed with a disease, it’s a dis-ease with yourself. Think about how you can get back in balance with your emotions, your life, your relationships with self and others and how you can nourish and replenish yourself. Get to the route cause of the issue and there you will find your answers, the pieces of the puzzle that maybe were out of place. Your body is a slave to your mind and it has an amazing ability to heal, allow it to happen. Treating symptoms with drugs, puts a sticking plaster over the wound, then a side effect from suppressing the body’s healing system will occur, so more drugs will be needed to feel “normal” again. Please know there is no such thing as normal, it is just a setting on the dishwasher.

Managing the overload
I have clients that all of a sudden start experiencing feelings of being overwhelmed. They can no longer function well at work and are unable to think straight. A client called John came into my clinic the other day. He’s been having dizzy spells, brain fog and anxiety. On further investigation into his belief system and where he learned it, he discovered he was doing a job he felt he needed to do to support his family, his relationship with his wife lacked emotional and physical affection and his kids were now independent and left home. He hadn’t addressed how he felt about how he always felt responsible to his mother, with his father been mostly absent and then dying at an early age. How he has always had so much pressure to perform.

After bringing him to the now, breathing and releasing the negative charge from his emotions, he set some intentions for what he wanted, he enjoyed how excited he felt channeling his energy into this. How his relationship with himself is the most important. How to feel and ask for what he needs. How living a life caring for others is important, but not if it strips you of your identity. Respect and appreciation is not only feels good, but is necessary. A person that is appreciated will do 110% and still want to do more, but someone who has expectations to perform without even being thanked, will feel taken advantage of and their self worth will depleted.

Your happiness is your destiny
I urge you to find your own rhythm and path in life. Life isn’t always easy, but it sure can be fun. Love the ones you’re with, send positive thoughts to those you’re not with and always communicate your thoughts and feelings. Build and nurture your soul. You’re SO worth it.

Best wishes

Karen

Kasona – Be happy, stress less
www.kasona.com.au
0414 973394

May 13, 2017 By Karen

How Gratitude leads to Happiness

I’m learning more each day. I’m learning to be grateful for the small things, a smile, a meal, warmth from the fire, even for the bills.

When I say learning, I mean some days I’m not living in gratitude. I have negative thoughts. I take for granted the things that I feel should just happen, like seeing, hearing, even breathing. But speak to someone who these things don’t come easily, they will tell you they’re not aiming for fame and fortune, getting up on a morning and seeing the trees through the window or going for a walk would be a successful day for them.

Since doing a regular self care and yoga practice, I find that bringing awareness back to my breath is helping me to live a more fulfilled life.

So living in gratitude and abundance is a healthy state of being. In a Reiki treatment I will ask my client to ask for what they want, but they’ll receive what you need. By this I mean we should reach for the stars and put it out to the universe to have the best relationship, the car, the house, the wealth, the health and whatever else we want. We should put positive energy and thoughts to make our life the happiest and healthiest it could possibly be and take the steps to make it happen. But we will only receive what we can handle, otherwise it’ll slip through our fingers, because we’re not ready to receive yet.

If we have chronic fatigue for example, we should be telling ourselves we have energy in abundance, being thankful for opening our eyes this morning, the sunshine outside, our heart beat and the thousands of fantastic things our body does. Building on this everyday, becomes a ritual. Releasing any negative self talk and thought patterns, feeds our mind with joy and happiness. Positive neurons are rewired and reconnected and we little by little begin to feel better.

Some days you may feel low, but that’s just a day, or even a small part of the day.

Here are 7 simple steps to release negative thoughts and pain

1. Acknowledge the feeling,
2. Breathe in
3. Tense every muscle you can.
4. Ask whether I want to hold it?
5. Release it with it with the breath
6. Notice how good it feels.
7. Then switch to a positive memory or feeling to rewire your thoughts to feeling good.

I saw the perfect example of living life in gratitude just yesterday. I went to dear friend and colleague’s home. Her and her husband have just moved into the most amazing, absolute beach front apartment, with the view of the beach on one side and the hills on the other. Getting the amazing sunrise and fabulous sunset everyday. You may ask, how is this relevant?. But if I told you 6 years ago these people were homeless, being the victims, for want of a better word, of a major fraud where they lost everything, their home, investments, cars and some of their friends. They did house sitting, looking after animals, lived with friends. Like the phoenix from the flames, they became stronger and even grateful for the experience. Then someone offered for them to come and share her mansion, where they lived happily for 5 years. When they were ready, everything in their life improved. The more personal growth they did, the more they allowed abundance in all forms to flow to them.

Never give up on your hopes and dreams whatever they may be. The most successful people have lived in poverty, abusive relationships, had difficult times with drug or alcohol and nearly given up, but then they find the pearl in the oyster shell.

Ricky Gervais drifted from one thing to the next, then started writing comedy in his forties and now has net worth of $90 million. Now he spreads joy, happiness and wealth to many people and animals around the world.

Oprah Winfrey has spoken many times about her abusive childhood from which she ran away, she became pregnant at 14, but later her infant son died. She went on to work in radio, then host her own show. Her financial growth is worth billions, but her personal growth and how she has inspired many others to care for themselves is priceless.

Make your pearl in the oyster shell, to be living in gratitude and happiness. And keep on being awesome.

Much love
Karen Aitken

Remedial massage therapist & Stress management coach
Kasona – be happy, stress less
www.kasona.com.au
0414 973394