February 11, 2019 By Karen

How to Respond not React

How do you respond to a situation, instead of reacting?

How many times have you reacted to a situation in a split second, became angry, shouted, said how dare you, it’s all your fault and not stopped until you’ve run out of rage? What if you could acknowledge a situation, recognise how uncomfortable you feel due to increased levels of anger, frustration, sadness or whatever we feel, own how you feel, then calmly find out the full story and work on a resolution? Sounds impossible, right?

We are human, we are programmed on a primal level to react to situations that our subconscious perceives as dangerous. Modern day stress feels no different from the dangers we used to face with wild animals chasing us while out hunting for food. The same hormones are released to “assist” us to deal with these situations. But as we have evolved in today’s society, we have learned we can communicate with words and not just actions. If we take just a few seconds to assess what outcome we would like from a situation, before we start dealing with it, it can change the whole experience.

When we have a relationship with a friend, partner or child, and they do something that disappoints us, we can be quicker to react than if a stranger did the same thing. Because we have a level of expectation on how it’s acceptable to behave or what our boundaries are.

A situation the other day caused a client of mine to react with anger and frustration. She went from her normal level of acceptable stress, to 10 in a split second.

The details of the story aren’t important, though it could help you to relate to something you’ve experienced.

She had left her son at home while she nipped out to the shop. She’d just had some work done outside her house. When she returned, the work had been knocked down and ruined. She knew her son had been riding his bike around and she told him off, being angry at what a stupid thing he’d done, how could he think that was a good idea, it’s ruined now, it cost a lot of money and so on. He took the ear bashing and accepted he consequence to his actions.
But the next morning, a mother of her son’s friend called to apologise as she’d just found out her son had admitted to have ridden around and broken something and was calling to offer to pay for it to be fixed. My client then approached her son with the new information and he admitted that it wasn’t him, but would rather she told him off than get his friend’s in trouble. Because he watched him do it, but felt he couldn’t stop him until it was too late, so therefore felt responsible.

Now why didn’t her son just say straight away, it wasn’t me, I didn’t do it. There’s a few reasons. First of all, he felt to blame for some of it, so thought to save others I’ll take the full blame. He was being loyal to his friend. But also, I don’t know whether you’ve seen the film Monster Inc. The placid monster accidently scares a little girl he’s looking after in the scare factory, all she can see is his rage, not the love and trust they’ve built, so she runs from him before he can explain what he’s doing. Anger shuts people down, it triggers their stress response, they can’t think as straight as they’d like. How can you reason with an angry force? If when you’re in a stressful situation you go to the fight response, the other person can meet rage with rage, but if that doesn’t reach resolve, it generally only fuels a bigger divide.

But we have to remember, we are experiencing situations for the first time, especially with children going through different ages, each one presents a new challenge. Both of you have never been at that age before, with these unique experiences. We can’t stop our split second reaction, but we can choose whether we react or respond to it. We can take a cleansing breath and to calm ourselves, and open up to learning more about it, before bringing the judges hammer down and serve the sentence.

Quick guide to stressful situations

1. Notice how you feel about the situation and the response your body is having, look around you, ground yourself
2. Breathe in and out slowly, this will instruct your mind you’re not in danger
3. Think what you want at the end, if you still want a relationship with this person, it’s important to acknowledge this before words tumble out of your mouth that you can’t take back.
4. Gain greater understanding, so you can assess the whole picture
5. Ask for time out to process the issues, if you’re struggling because the new information is overloading you.
6. Discuss a healthy outcome for both of you, or agree to compromise.
7. It’s ok to revisit the discussion at a later date, because our views can change and further clarification maybe needed to reach resolution.

“I don’t always have to be right, but I do always want to be happy”

These techniques I use with clients all the time. Switching their perspective on “problems” and changing how they feel about it in a few minutes, after sometimes a lifetime of pain and upset. They can then view them as “lessons”.

Relationships are about communication and compromise. Each person in the union needs to build a bridge to each other. Sometimes one side of the bridge will reach towards the other more, because they have better skills in communication, which can feel like they’re doing all the running. But remember we are all aware and have knowledge of different areas in our lives.

When we communicate to the other person, those changes could be made to strengthen the relationship and it’s met with resistant and negative feelings, saying you’re the one at fault for even suggesting it, this is when you’ve hit someone’s buttons and they’re not ready to take ownership yet.

Some people show affection by doing practical things, others want cuddles and intimacy to feel connected. These are called “your love language”. As long as both people feel good and a satisfactory compromise is reached, that’s successful relationship. When one needs more than the other can give, or is willing to give, an in balance occurs. Which can lead to unresolved issues and separation if not resolved.

Try not to compare yourself with other families or couples. What works for them, won’t necessary work for you. The perfect Facebook life isn’t always what it seems. People sometimes need to project a fabulous life for others to envy for them to feel good, but in reality at home it’s very different,

Much love
Karen Aitken
Kasona – Be happy, Stress less
www.kasona.com.au
0414 973394

“You either get bitter, or you get better.
It’s that simple.
You either take what has been dealt to you and allow it to make you a better person, or you allow it to tear you down. The choice does not belong to fate, it belongs to you”… Josh Ship

January 11, 2018 By Karen

New year, New you and all that Horse poo

If the truth be known, I love a good self help book or an inspiring video clip on YouTube.

But as I’ve become older and ever so slightly wiser, I’ve realised there’s no need for a from Broke to Billionaire mentality, where you ditch the old you for a shiny bright perfect you. Because you are most definately successful in what you’re doing right now. You’re a complete fabulous version of your present self and this needs to be embraced and accepted.

Sure there maybe a few slight tweaks here and there that could be explored, but my goodness you need to celebrate the uniqueness that is only you, the wonderful oneness of you, the amazing gift only you bring to the world. Without you, loads of things wouldn’t have been possible.

Once we own and celebrate our uniqueness, we can then grow and learn more about ourselves. It’s a fantastic solid foundation for self love and discovery.

I hear from so many wonderful people how they’re not good enough, don’t exercise enough, have too many dark thoughts and feelings. Even how they’ve compromised their family for their career, when in fact they’ve inspired them.

It’s time to STOP. When those negative thoughts come into your mind, just see it for what it is, it’s just a thought, it’s not real. It’s there for a reason, acknowledge it, then let it pass, like clouds in the sky.

What you practice you become

If you practice worry or self doubt, you will become the master of it, you will be the expert in your low self esteem, I’m not good enough, I should be better. But if you practice joy every day, even if it’s for 5 minutes thinking about what brings joy to your life, what is joyous and doing something that brings laughter to your world, you will exercise the right side of your mind that goes to happiness, even when a stressful situation presents.

Life is like a fairground ride, full of ups and downs, twists and turns, highs and lows. We can’t control what is outside of us, but we can learn surf the wave or ride the tides. But we can also choose whether we join other people’s funfair, or realise “it’s not my monkey, not my circus”. Be happy, be true to yourself.

Wishing you well in your many happy years ahead.

Karen

“The best way to predict your future is to create it” Abraham Lincoln

August 22, 2017 By Karen

Trust me, you’ve got it

Trust me, you've got this — Relax and take five, you’ve got this

I’m totally amazed at human resilience and determination. No matter what life throws at people, they have the ability to take a deep breath and carry on.

Stress hits us at times we think we really can’t take anymore. Loved ones getting ill and possibly facing their last breath, business’s where heart and soul has been invested into them folding and leaving you homeless, and day to day grind of putting one foot in front of the other, even though your bed was warm, you got up and ready for work. You smiled at your kids as they tipped the cereal box too far so it goes all over the floor, spilling milk onto their last school uniform, just as the dog throws up all over the rug (because the easy cleaned tiled floor right next to them isn’t where they aim for).

When life gets too hard
When life seems too hard, overloading and down right unfair. Just be safe knowing you’ve got this, you have dealt with so much in your life, that this situation, no matter what it is, no matter how difficult and stressful, is only temporary, you will get through it. But you don’t have to do it alone. Reach out, ask for support, be vulnerable and communicate with a friend, relative or professional that you have an understanding relationship with. Clients, friends and fri-ents know that my door is always open. Just reach out and connect.

When you need help

But what about when the therapist needs some support too, where does she turn?. I recently was so low I really had the urge to run away. I did reach out and messaged a friend and opened up, to be greeted with no response all day, which confused and upset me. I could see she’d read the message (blessing and curse of iPhones) but no response.

Now if I was feeling self destructive I could internalise this and decide no one is interested in what’s going on, but it’s all about timing and choosing wisely. Don’t give up after the first encounter, be acknowledged, be heard, make sure you get what you need. Sometimes a busy friend isn’t the best person to reach out to. Booking an actual session with a qualified professional, be that a counsellor or an amazing massage therapist who you can relax with. Remember, the first pancake you make is usually wet and soggy, you don’t give up on the first one and think they’re all going to be like that, you keep going. If the first one doesn’t hit the spot, open up to another, then another. Pause and gather your thoughts. Breathe and know you’ve got this, you’re in safe hands (your own) and you can and will find the lesson in this encounter and move on to feeling happy again, when you’re ready.

Just remember you don’t have to “fix this” right now. Let it settle, let it be, put it out to the universe to give an answer, ask questions, be curious how and why it’s happened now.

If you’ve been diagnosed with a disease, it’s a dis-ease with yourself. Think about how you can get back in balance with your emotions, your life, your relationships with self and others and how you can nourish and replenish yourself. Get to the route cause of the issue and there you will find your answers, the pieces of the puzzle that maybe were out of place. Your body is a slave to your mind and it has an amazing ability to heal, allow it to happen. Treating symptoms with drugs, puts a sticking plaster over the wound, then a side effect from suppressing the body’s healing system will occur, so more drugs will be needed to feel “normal” again. Please know there is no such thing as normal, it is just a setting on the dishwasher.

Managing the overload
I have clients that all of a sudden start experiencing feelings of being overwhelmed. They can no longer function well at work and are unable to think straight. A client called John came into my clinic the other day. He’s been having dizzy spells, brain fog and anxiety. On further investigation into his belief system and where he learned it, he discovered he was doing a job he felt he needed to do to support his family, his relationship with his wife lacked emotional and physical affection and his kids were now independent and left home. He hadn’t addressed how he felt about how he always felt responsible to his mother, with his father been mostly absent and then dying at an early age. How he has always had so much pressure to perform.

After bringing him to the now, breathing and releasing the negative charge from his emotions, he set some intentions for what he wanted, he enjoyed how excited he felt channeling his energy into this. How his relationship with himself is the most important. How to feel and ask for what he needs. How living a life caring for others is important, but not if it strips you of your identity. Respect and appreciation is not only feels good, but is necessary. A person that is appreciated will do 110% and still want to do more, but someone who has expectations to perform without even being thanked, will feel taken advantage of and their self worth will depleted.

Your happiness is your destiny
I urge you to find your own rhythm and path in life. Life isn’t always easy, but it sure can be fun. Love the ones you’re with, send positive thoughts to those you’re not with and always communicate your thoughts and feelings. Build and nurture your soul. You’re SO worth it.

Best wishes

Karen

Kasona – Be happy, stress less
www.kasona.com.au
0414 973394

May 13, 2017 By Karen

How Gratitude leads to Happiness

I’m learning more each day. I’m learning to be grateful for the small things, a smile, a meal, warmth from the fire, even for the bills.

When I say learning, I mean some days I’m not living in gratitude. I have negative thoughts. I take for granted the things that I feel should just happen, like seeing, hearing, even breathing. But speak to someone who these things don’t come easily, they will tell you they’re not aiming for fame and fortune, getting up on a morning and seeing the trees through the window or going for a walk would be a successful day for them.

Since doing a regular self care and yoga practice, I find that bringing awareness back to my breath is helping me to live a more fulfilled life.

So living in gratitude and abundance is a healthy state of being. In a Reiki treatment I will ask my client to ask for what they want, but they’ll receive what you need. By this I mean we should reach for the stars and put it out to the universe to have the best relationship, the car, the house, the wealth, the health and whatever else we want. We should put positive energy and thoughts to make our life the happiest and healthiest it could possibly be and take the steps to make it happen. But we will only receive what we can handle, otherwise it’ll slip through our fingers, because we’re not ready to receive yet.

If we have chronic fatigue for example, we should be telling ourselves we have energy in abundance, being thankful for opening our eyes this morning, the sunshine outside, our heart beat and the thousands of fantastic things our body does. Building on this everyday, becomes a ritual. Releasing any negative self talk and thought patterns, feeds our mind with joy and happiness. Positive neurons are rewired and reconnected and we little by little begin to feel better.

Some days you may feel low, but that’s just a day, or even a small part of the day.

Here are 7 simple steps to release negative thoughts and pain

1. Acknowledge the feeling,
2. Breathe in
3. Tense every muscle you can.
4. Ask whether I want to hold it?
5. Release it with it with the breath
6. Notice how good it feels.
7. Then switch to a positive memory or feeling to rewire your thoughts to feeling good.

I saw the perfect example of living life in gratitude just yesterday. I went to dear friend and colleague’s home. Her and her husband have just moved into the most amazing, absolute beach front apartment, with the view of the beach on one side and the hills on the other. Getting the amazing sunrise and fabulous sunset everyday. You may ask, how is this relevant?. But if I told you 6 years ago these people were homeless, being the victims, for want of a better word, of a major fraud where they lost everything, their home, investments, cars and some of their friends. They did house sitting, looking after animals, lived with friends. Like the phoenix from the flames, they became stronger and even grateful for the experience. Then someone offered for them to come and share her mansion, where they lived happily for 5 years. When they were ready, everything in their life improved. The more personal growth they did, the more they allowed abundance in all forms to flow to them.

Never give up on your hopes and dreams whatever they may be. The most successful people have lived in poverty, abusive relationships, had difficult times with drug or alcohol and nearly given up, but then they find the pearl in the oyster shell.

Ricky Gervais drifted from one thing to the next, then started writing comedy in his forties and now has net worth of $90 million. Now he spreads joy, happiness and wealth to many people and animals around the world.

Oprah Winfrey has spoken many times about her abusive childhood from which she ran away, she became pregnant at 14, but later her infant son died. She went on to work in radio, then host her own show. Her financial growth is worth billions, but her personal growth and how she has inspired many others to care for themselves is priceless.

Make your pearl in the oyster shell, to be living in gratitude and happiness. And keep on being awesome.

Much love
Karen Aitken

Remedial massage therapist & Stress management coach
Kasona – be happy, stress less
www.kasona.com.au
0414 973394

April 12, 2017 By Karen

The art of self care and why you should do it

The person that gets the formula for work/life balance right all the time, could bottle it and make millions. But what is right for one person, is the complete opposite of what another person needs.

But why do it? Is it that important to be balanced and look after yourself.. ABSOLUTELY YES.

Recently I’ve been having problems with my lower back. It’s been causing lots of pain, affected how I’ve felt and my relationships. Getting up on a morning has taken more time than usual. How has this happened? Because I’ve been busy looking after everyone else, but letting the things that feed my soul slip.

People view pain in many different ways. It is a useful tool that your mind uses to keep you safe, an energy blockage in your joints and a reminder you have to look after yourself.

Pain manifests in our mind first, then presents itself in our bodies. Dealing with how we view pain is the first step to releasing it. If we concentrate on the pain, see it as a problem, feed it with more references why we should be in pain eg. my back aches because I always have a bad back, my Dad had bad back, there’s athritus in our family so I’ll get it when I’m in my forties too, my back aches when I’m stressed. It’s an endless list why we should have pain. But what if we saw this pain as an opportunity to change and grow? If we acknowledged we feel pain in this moment, but what can I do to find a solution. Do I need to look at my diet to reduce inflammation in my body, do I need to stretch and exercise more, do I need to think positive thoughts about myself and other people? These questions alone can put you on the path to feeling better.

: Live boldly

To make a change, I had a big think about what my purpose was, why am I here?. I’m a seeker of knowledge, I watch many Ted talks and inspirational speakers who’ve turned their lives around from being at their lowest to now feeling fulfilled and happy. And I realised my purpose is to help as many people as possible to deal with their stress and find a happier self. Starting with me.

In my stress management and massage work, I strive to empower others. One step is to create understanding on how to evaluate whether the problem is theirs or someone else’s, because there’s many people out there that would like you to believe you are the route of all their problems, so you need to change. But when we step back and take time to look objectively, it could be the issue lies with them and you simply enable it. Then I help work out what steps to success they need to climb to reach their goals. I use the word climb on purpose too, not because it’ll be a struggle, but because when we climb to another level, we can look down and see how far we have come too, not just how far we still need to go.

Problems are present in every situation and each step of our lives. It’s how we perceive them that makes a difference to how we feel. If we embrace the challenge and see problems as opportunities for knowledge, growth and understanding, we make a switch in our minds and we become a happier and healthier self.

I can’t control time, but I can manage my time better. So I’m back on track, every morning before breakfast I start with
Uddyana Bandha breathing which releases the abdominal lock which channels energy in the central energy meridian
A few simple yoga stretches,
I give gratitude to 5 things in my life and
I consciously let go of negative thoughts I have about myself and others. A thought only becomes true if it’s backed up with a deep belief.
I also walk every day and have regular massages.

Making changes in my regular routine has released my back pain, given me mental clarity and brought greater happiness in my life. I invite you to have a self care policy that gives you what you need to feel good and in balance. If you need a little help in finding it, give me a call and we’ll work through it together.

Find your purpose and skills to change how you think, feel and be.

Karen Aitken
Remedial massage therapist & Stress management coach
0414 973394
www.kasona.com.au

How to Respond not React

How do you respond to a situation, instead of reacting?

Quick guide to stressful situations

“I don’t always have to be right, but I do always want to be happy”

New year, New you and all that Horse poo

If the truth be known, I love a good self help book or an inspiring video clip on YouTube.

What you practice you become

Trust me, you’ve got it

I’m totally amazed at human resilience and determination. No matter what life throws at people, they have the ability to take a deep breath and carry on.

How Gratitude leads to Happiness

I’m learning more each day. I’m learning to be grateful for the small things, a smile, a meal, warmth from the fire, even for the bills.

Here are 7 simple steps to release negative thoughts and pain

Never give up on your hopes and dreams whatever they may be. The most successful people have lived in poverty, abusive relationships, had difficult times with drug or alcohol and nearly given up, but then they find the pearl in the oyster shell.

The art of self care and why you should do it

The person that gets the formula for work/life balance right all the time, could bottle it and make millions. But what is right for one person, is the complete opposite of what another person needs.

By changing your inner world and your outer world changes too – Robert G Smith

Contact Us

How do you respond to a situation, instead of reacting?

Quick guide to stressful situations

“I don’t always have to be right, but I do always want to be happy”

If the truth be known, I love a good self help book or an inspiring video clip on YouTube.

What you practice you become

I’m totally amazed at human resilience and determination. No matter what life throws at people, they have the ability to take a deep breath and carry on.

I’m learning more each day. I’m learning to be grateful for the small things, a smile, a meal, warmth from the fire, even for the bills.

Here are 7 simple steps to release negative thoughts and pain

Never give up on your hopes and dreams whatever they may be. The most successful people have lived in poverty, abusive relationships, had difficult times with drug or alcohol and nearly given up, but then they find the pearl in the oyster shell.

The person that gets the formula for work/life balance right all the time, could bottle it and make millions. But what is right for one person, is the complete opposite of what another person needs.

By changing your inner world and your outer world changes too – Robert G Smith

Contact Us

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