There’s many different thoughts and ponderings of what the meaning of life is. According to Alan Wilson Watts, The Culture of Counter-Culture: Edited Transcripts “The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.”
The Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy said – “42”.
I once watched a very inspiring video with Gary Vaynerchuk talking about human creation, what life is and how it’s so important to show gratitude for everything because it’s billions and billions to one that your cells formed to become human, so stop whingeing and wondering and start living. There was a lot more f’bombs and shouting, but that’s the gist of it. One of my favourite quotes of his is “A penguin cannot become a giraffe, so just be the best penguin you can be.” – Gary Vaynerchuk

But how do you find your meaning of life. I talk to clients about their core values and really knowing and honouring them. One of my core values is my family connection. When we moved 10,000 miles to start a new life in Australia from Manchester, UK with our three young sons. We didn’t know what was ahead of us. We had nowhere to live, no jobs, no school, we hadn’t even set foot in Adelaide. People back home thought we were a mixture of brave and mad (mostly the latter).
So when we settled in and I started my business I wanted to feel that sense of home and connection, so the name KASONA was made. It’s an acronym of all our initials. Karen, Alex, Steve, Oscar, Nathan and our little daughter Anneka (who was born sleeping). I knew I had to make it work, so reaching out to new people, putting myself in uncomfortable situations of “selling” myself and my wares. And it’s become such an important an rewarding part of me. I love my clients, I love facilitating a change in how they feel about themselves and the world around them. I’ve met some incredible people along the way and being honoured to hear their stories.

It’s been an amazing week for the Aitken clan. After being here for 8 years, we have become Australian citizens. I got quite emotional reading my pledge, as the long journey to get to this point played from start to finish. From travelling around this great country in my twenties, almost coming back before we had children, but finding out I was pregnant, so three kids later we started the visa process and made it here almost exactly 16 years after I first arrived.

Never give up on your dreams, no matter how long they take. There’s been so many setbacks in our lives along the way, but once the pain and sadness eased, we have gained knowledge and understanding that we’ve used and grown from. If Plan A would have worked for my husband and I, we wouldn’t have this incredible family that we have or the life we have today. (We’re currently probably upto about Plan T.45) Everything happens for a reason, though you might not see it at the time.

Breathe and Believe.

Warm wishes
Karen
www.kasona.com.au
0414 973394

I’ve recently got into gardening. Not such a bold statement for a forty something year old, it is? It had to happen sometime. I like how you make it personal, invite people over to socialise there and celebrate your success or give advise on their knowledge (thanks Sue).
As well as getting outside in the fresh air and sunshine, I enjoy how putting a little effort into a certain area can make a huge difference. But at times it can get a little overwhelming. Like remodeling a whole area, turning it into something that doesn’t serve me any more into something new and useful. I find I get carried away with the “big picture”. Well I can’t do that, because I need to do that first, which really I should be doing that also, which blah blah blah. It just becomes too hard, so I retreat and go do something else like organise the cutlery drawer or binge on Netflix.

The subtle art of procrastination

This is how procrastination and avoidance works in your mind. It’s been brought to your conscious attention that you want to improve something or it’s not working anymore, like a relationship, your job or even your way of thinking. But to change it all at once, can be so scary that it’s easier to avoid and distract yourself, a temporary fix, like bitching about it to a friend, going around in circles, going shopping, gambling, drinking. Or one of those could be the issue that needs addressing, but the thought of giving it up fills you with dread. Who will I be without it?

Procrastinating doesn’t mean you’re lazy. You’re in protection mode of an unhealed part of yourself. There maybe a memory where you went all in and did that big thing, but carried forward a negative response, even a strange look from a care giver or an unkind word. All your effort and achievement is forgotten and just the “bad” feeling remains. Here’s a deeper explanation of procrastination

When we to look at the structure of the problem first. It has two equal sides in order for it to survive. It has good and bad benefits. For example, staying in a difficult relationship with a person or work situation, though it has feeling of being unsafe, it can have financial and security on the other side. It’s when the balance is tipped, that’s when it becomes more beneficial to take the big leap.

But how do you do it?

It’s important to first acknowledge that you’re in the exact place you’re supposed to be right now. Even if it’s a dire situation. If it’s your rock bottom, then you have a firm foundation to build on. You’re at the exact weight you’re meant to be, the exact location, the exact moment in time to propel you into action.

Rome wasn’t built in a day

It’s also important to recognise great things are not built in a moment. They take time, effort and periods of being uncomfortable. When we’re in a world of pain, emotionally and physically, it’s so hard to muster the energy to put one foot in front of the other. So if facing this on your own seems too daunting, walk with someone on your journey, this can make all the difference. Learn to take one step at a time. Get very curious about where you are, what strengths and weaknesses you have and harness them and use them for your full advantage. Notice how others push your buttons, how you react to what’s around you.

Though you may feel it, you’re not alone

I’ve been lucky enough to work with so many people on their journey. I’ve had 10 year olds unable to sleep, worrying about everything. Young adults navigating their way through stressful situations and coming out with more knowledge than they knew they possessed.
Forty somethings who are unable to tread the path they have done for as long as they can remember, but been too scared to walk a different one. Knowing change is needed, but not knowing where to start.
I also had a lovely lady in her seventies, in constant pain in her body, but mostly in her back and shoulder. She was carrying around so much guilt and shame all her life, but when she spoke about it, she realised it wasn’t her guilt and shame, it was a belief system she’d learned from others and was so relieved and cried tears of relief and joy. I used mindfulness and tapping techniques, reiki energies and then finished with a massage which relaxed and soothed her mind and muscles. She messaged me afterwards how much lighter she felt, not carrying around the burden on her shoulders, how her pain was almost non existent. Because she viewed the situation and held the memory differently her mind and body weren’t reliving her past and wasn’t in her stress fight or flight mode.

As I’ve said before, the most important step, isn’t not your first or your last on your journey, it’s your next. Will yours be a big leap or a baby step? Both are important and monumental.

Be bold, you beautiful soul.

Individual personal breakthrough mind & body matters sessions (for people that don’t do counselling) are available at Kasona.

Mindfulness, movement and meditation workshops are available soon. Watch this space.

Contact me direct on 0414 973394 or email kasonamassage@gmail.com
www.kasona.com.au

How do you respond to a situation, instead of reacting?

How many times have you reacted to a situation in a split second, became angry, shouted, said how dare you, it’s all your fault and not stopped until you’ve run out of rage? What if you could acknowledge a situation, recognise how uncomfortable you feel due to increased levels of anger, frustration, sadness or whatever we feel, own how you feel, then calmly find out the full story and work on a resolution? Sounds impossible, right?

We are human, we are programmed on a primal level to react to situations that our subconscious perceives as dangerous. Modern day stress feels no different from the dangers we used to face with wild animals chasing us while out hunting for food. The same hormones are released to “assist” us to deal with these situations. But as we have evolved in today’s society, we have learned we can communicate with words and not just actions. If we take just a few seconds to assess what outcome we would like from a situation, before we start dealing with it, it can change the whole experience.

When we have a relationship with a friend, partner or child, and they do something that disappoints us, we can be quicker to react than if a stranger did the same thing. Because we have a level of expectation on how it’s acceptable to behave or what our boundaries are.

A situation the other day caused a client of mine to react with anger and frustration. She went from her normal level of acceptable stress, to 10 in a split second.

The details of the story aren’t important, though it could help you to relate to something you’ve experienced.

She had left her son at home while she nipped out to the shop. She’d just had some work done outside her house. When she returned, the work had been knocked down and ruined. She knew her son had been riding his bike around and she told him off, being angry at what a stupid thing he’d done, how could he think that was a good idea, it’s ruined now, it cost a lot of money and so on. He took the ear bashing and accepted he consequence to his actions.
But the next morning, a mother of her son’s friend called to apologise as she’d just found out her son had admitted to have ridden around and broken something and was calling to offer to pay for it to be fixed. My client then approached her son with the new information and he admitted that it wasn’t him, but would rather she told him off than get his friend’s in trouble. Because he watched him do it, but felt he couldn’t stop him until it was too late, so therefore felt responsible.

Now why didn’t her son just say straight away, it wasn’t me, I didn’t do it. There’s a few reasons. First of all, he felt to blame for some of it, so thought to save others I’ll take the full blame. He was being loyal to his friend. But also, I don’t know whether you’ve seen the film Monster Inc. The placid monster accidently scares a little girl he’s looking after in the scare factory, all she can see is his rage, not the love and trust they’ve built, so she runs from him before he can explain what he’s doing. Anger shuts people down, it triggers their stress response, they can’t think as straight as they’d like. How can you reason with an angry force? If when you’re in a stressful situation you go to the fight response, the other person can meet rage with rage, but if that doesn’t reach resolve, it generally only fuels a bigger divide.

But we have to remember, we are experiencing situations for the first time, especially with children going through different ages, each one presents a new challenge. Both of you have never been at that age before, with these unique experiences. We can’t stop our split second reaction, but we can choose whether we react or respond to it. We can take a cleansing breath and to calm ourselves, and open up to learning more about it, before bringing the judges hammer down and serve the sentence.

Quick guide to stressful situations

1. Notice how you feel about the situation and the response your body is having, look around you, ground yourself
2. Breathe in and out slowly, this will instruct your mind you’re not in danger
3. Think what you want at the end, if you still want a relationship with this person, it’s important to acknowledge this before words tumble out of your mouth that you can’t take back.
4. Gain greater understanding, so you can assess the whole picture
5. Ask for time out to process the issues, if you’re struggling because the new information is overloading you.
6. Discuss a healthy outcome for both of you, or agree to compromise.
7. It’s ok to revisit the discussion at a later date, because our views can change and further clarification maybe needed to reach resolution.

“I don’t always have to be right, but I do always want to be happy”

These techniques I use with clients all the time. Switching their perspective on “problems” and changing how they feel about it in a few minutes, after sometimes a lifetime of pain and upset. They can then view them as “lessons”.

Relationships are about communication and compromise. Each person in the union needs to build a bridge to each other. Sometimes one side of the bridge will reach towards the other more, because they have better skills in communication, which can feel like they’re doing all the running. But remember we are all aware and have knowledge of different areas in our lives.

When we communicate to the other person, those changes could be made to strengthen the relationship and it’s met with resistant and negative feelings, saying you’re the one at fault for even suggesting it, this is when you’ve hit someone’s buttons and they’re not ready to take ownership yet.

Some people show affection by doing practical things, others want cuddles and intimacy to feel connected. These are called “your love language”. As long as both people feel good and a satisfactory compromise is reached, that’s successful relationship. When one needs more than the other can give, or is willing to give, an in balance occurs. Which can lead to unresolved issues and separation if not resolved.

Try not to compare yourself with other families or couples. What works for them, won’t necessary work for you. The perfect Facebook life isn’t always what it seems. People sometimes need to project a fabulous life for others to envy for them to feel good, but in reality at home it’s very different,

Much love
Karen Aitken
Kasona – Be happy, Stress less
www.kasona.com.au
0414 973394

“You either get bitter, or you get better.
It’s that simple.
You either take what has been dealt to you and allow it to make you a better person, or you allow it to tear you down. The choice does not belong to fate, it belongs to you”… Josh Ship