It’s very much like how we do our washing.
Some peer inside the washing basket, take a few items off the top, look at them, give them a quick wash and put the lid back on. Scraping the surface of dealing with the real issues.
Others do so much, then close the laundry door and pretend it’s not there. Buy new clothes. Deal with that later, or not!
And ofcourse there are many that say “it’s nothing to do with me, it’s your problem not mine”. Therefore causing conflict through avoidance.
Just doing the basics of what is needed at that moment, and swallowing the rest. This can work well for a while. But ultimately will result in suppressed anger, sadness, depression and stress related issues such as chronic illness, Fibromiagia, arthritis, and many other painful and debilitating conditions.
I personally get everything out on the laundry floor, prioritise what I need to deal with now, what can be acknowledged, but put back in the basket for another day. I need to know what’s going on…I need everything out in the open to know what I’m dealing with.
I also discuss disgruntles I may have like this. I say what’s on my mind, release the emotions from my body and move on and get on with being happy again…I’m not one to brood and bare grudges, plot revenge and stew in the juices of hatred and loathing.
I’ve not always done this, it’s taken many years of self growth and development to get me to this stage. When I was training to become a counsellor I was told how I contained my feelings, processed them and released them only when I thought it was safe to do so, possibly to protect myself. Even though I went on to qualify as a counsellor, I still contained and slowly processed my feelings. It wasn’t until years later, I truly understood why I did this.
I learnt it all from my parents. My Dad would explode with anger when something happened that he didn’t like or didn’t think was right. I’d watch my Mum containing the situation to make it better, to calm him down and to resolve it. I didn’t realise how upset I was at seeing someone I loved deeply get so angry that his face would go red and contort, his eyes would bore into whoever it was that he taken a dislike to…knowing that it could be me if I did something “wrong”, I vowed to always be “good”, to think things through thoroughly before actioning them.
My older brother didn’t have this insight. He continued to get into trouble. Many years later, I realised this is because of his own difficulties with his own life. He needed to be the centre of attention at home, negative attention was better than no attention. My parents did the best job they could with the knowledge they had at the time. I knew I was loved, was provided for and enjoyed many happy times. But this left it’s mark on me and shaped me into being the adult I became.
It was the foundation for my first serious relationship. How I dealt with arguments with him. He had his own frame of reference from a fairly neglected childhood, where him and his sister brought themselves up mostly. An estranged father and an emotionally unavailable and largely absent mother. So how on earth would we manage to stay together. Would the love we had for each other conquer all. The answer is NO. We broke up so many times, I’ve lost count. Until finally we ran our course and parted for good. We did the best we could with the knowledge we had at the time.
I now have much more education in the relationship department. By relationship, I don’t just mean with my husband and my children, I mean with myself too. I can quickly recognise how I’m feeling, acknowledge it and release any negative feelings. This has created a much happier and healthier me. Previously I was constantly sick, reoccurring colds, tonsillitis, aches and back pain. Training in Faster EFT I now connect with what’s triggered inside me, know where I feel it and let it go. Tapping on acupressure points as I do this. Then I fill my mind with a happy memory and let my body rest there and feel relaxed and loved.
You’ll always have problems, even on your death bed. It’s how you perceive the problem and deal with it, that’s the most important thing.
Create an emotionally intelligent you….be strong…live long and be happy.
For stress management techniques come and say hello at: